Fanfic: Look Back in Love, PG by misura

[misura.livejournal.com]

Title: Look Back in Love
Author: misura
Rating: PG
Prompt #: 11
Disclaimer: This never happened in this universe.
Notes: Given that in one of the fics I wrote last round, I cast Danny as a criminal, I figured writing him as a controlling, manipulative bastard wouldn't be too hard. Turns out I was wrong. As such, certain liberties were taken with the prompt. (Still not buying his album, though.)


11. Kris Allen. The name still made butterflies swarm in Adam's stomach even after eight years, even after Kris left him after their only kiss. Then he spots the bartender at a bar at Tommy's birthday party, and it's Kris.

Kris Allen is living with his roommate Danny Gokey, and can't remember a thing before the last eight years. Then one day a stranger turns up at the bar he works at and claims to know him. Kris is eager to know his past, but Danny won't let Kris remember!


"You know, you look really familiar. Have we met?"

Being a bartender, and a rather cute one at that, Kris figured he'd heard just about any pick-up line in the book, as well as quite a few that hadn't made it by virtue of being too cheesy.

Still, he was here to do a job, and a happy customer was a customer who might hire him again. Plus, the guy didn't look that bad - freakishly tall, but friendly enough; not like he was going to make trouble when Kris gave him the polite brush-off. "I don't think so."

"Are you sure?" the guy pressed, frowning. He didn't appear to be drunk or anything, so Kris figured there was no need to start looking around for help just yet; no matter what Danny said, Kris was a big boy. He could handle stuff like people hitting on him.

"Pretty sure I'd remember someone like you, yes." Kris smiled. The guy was good-looking - even if his clothes looked like they'd give anyone trying to get them off of him a pretty hard time. Not that Kris was at all interested in such an undertaking, but, well, he had eyes and an imagination.

The guy smiled back, and Kris was all set to move on and forget about the whole thing, except then he said: "But you really look exactly like someone I used to know - " at which point Kris started to get just a little bit annoyed.

"Look, I've got a boyfriend, okay?" he snapped. "So thanks, but no thanks."

"What?" So much for being subtle. The guy looked like Kris had just hit him over the head or something. "No, you don't - "

"Sorry, but I'm here to work," Kris said, turning and silently praying the guy wouldn't grab him or cause a scene. Kris liked his job, and he didn't want to get stuck with some sort of reputation as a trouble-maker - especially not when all he'd done was turn a guy down.


'Stupid!' Adam thought at himself. As usual, it didn't work; the guy really did look a lot like Kris and, well, as usual, any and all rational thoughts pretty much went out the window under those circumstances. He was probably lucky the guy was a bartender; if he'd been a guest, things could have gotten ugly or embarrassing at the very least.

As it was, Adam could only hope slipping the guy a really big tip might make up for acting like some sort of creep who didn't know a 'no' when he heard one.

He watched as the bartender made his way to the other side of the room - 'probably trying to get as far away from the loonie guy as possible - and ooh, nice ass'.

Adam sighed. Tommy would probably be able to tell him the guy's name and phonenumber, if he asked nicely and didn't mention Kris, or how the bartender looked exactly like Adam's ideal boyfriend. Maybe he should throw in a hint of wanting to hire the guy himself - and heck, why shouldn't he?

Hiring the guy for a party would be a perfect opportunity to get to know this particular Kris-lookalike a bit better, find out just how serious things were between him and his boyfriend - assuming there actually was one.

With any luck, the guy would turn out to be tone-deaf and into Hanson or some such thing.

'It should be a crime for people who look like that to have such poor taste in music.'


By the time the party was over, Kris was close to falling asleep on his feet. He'd pretty much forgotten all about the guy with the cheesy pick-up line until he bumped into him - literally, almost.

"Sorry." Kris was pretty sure it wasn't his fault the guy had stepped in his path, but an apology had never cost anyone anything.

"Hey." The guy smiled - good sign - and then held out his hand - not so good sign.

Kris took it a little warily. "Hi."

"Adam Lambert," the guy said. "I just wanted to apologize again for earlier."

'Again?' Kris thought, but what he said was: "Hey, no problem. Forget it."

"I guess I sort of freaked you out a bit, huh?"

'No, but if you don't let go of my hand soon, you might get there yet.' Kris shrugged. "In my line of work, you get used to stuff like that."

Adam chuckled. "Yeah. I guess."

Kris glanced over Adam's shoulder. No sign of either Tommy or Danny or anyone else who might step in for a rescue. "Um. Can I have my hand back now?"

"Oh." Adam's expression turned sheepish. "Sorry. Again. Wow, I seem to be apologizing a lot around you, huh? Maybe I should take the hint."

'Maybe you should, yes.' Kris nodded pleasantly.

"So what's your name?" Adam asked.

'None of your business,' Kris thought, except that then, of course, Danny showed up to pick him up after work, as he always did. "Kris! All ready to go home?"

Danny leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek - nothing too heavy; neither of them liked doing that sort of stuff in front of other people. Adam looked - 'well, this can't be good'.

"Just give me a minute to tell the birthday boy I'm leaving," Kris said.


'What the hell is Adam Lambert doing here?' Danny scowled at Adam, who did not seem particularly thrilled to see him, even if there was something just a little bit off about Adam's look. Danny couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, though.

"So," Adam said. "Have you and Kris been together long?"

'He doesn't know me,' Danny realized, almost giddily, until he remembered the important bit. 'He recognizes Kris, but not me.' It was staggering. Incredible. "A couple of years," Danny said, trying to keep his tone casual, while considering his options.

"I see," Adam said. 'Does Kris know it's him? Does he remember?'

Danny didn't quite know what had happened between Adam and Kris in the past, but he'd seen the result. He still had nightmares about it sometimes, about Kris, lying all still in a hospital bed, seeming to barely breathe. Danny'd been the one to get him there, the one to find him after the accident. Danny'd been the one sitting by his side, the one supporting him throughout his recovery.

He'd sacrificed things for Kris - important things. Because Kris had needed him. He wasn't about to let someone like Adam just walk in and take Kris away from him.

'Calm down, Danny. Kris isn't an idiot. Have some faith.'


There was something about Kris's boyfriend Adam didn't like at all. 'Let's face it: the guy could have looked like a young David Bowie and you'd still have hated his guts.' Still, Adam figured it was sort of sweet he'd come give Kris a ride home after work. 'Controlling, much?'

It was worse than jealousy; Adam had been jealous before. He'd gotten over it. So what if one cute guy who sort of looked like Kris was taken? There were always other cute guys who sort of looked like Kris.

'There's only one Kris, though.' Only one real one, anyway; in a place like LA, even cute guys who played the guitar and liked tweed weren't that hard to find. Adam hadn't exactly been living like a wallflower these past years, even if his relationships tended not to last very long.

'I guess that's what happens when you call people by someone else's name during sex.'

Kris had returned pretty quickly - just before Adam'd worked up enough courage to ask his boyfriend for some more details, like how they'd met and whether or not Kris might have ever mentioned some guy named Adam. 'He looks exactly like Kris. Hell, he's even named Kris. So why does he act like he doesn't even know me?'

Tommy would probably tell him the answer was obvious. Tommy was annoying like that.

Tommy had also, however, forked over Kris's address and phonenumber with only a minimal amount of teasing and questions, so Adam supposed that for the moment, he'd think of Tommy as a good friend all the same.

*

Kris didn't mention Adam at all during the days after the party. Danny knew he should feel relieved, but for some reason, it nagged at him. Adam showing up out of the blue like that - it was disconcerting.

Danny hadn't talked Kris into moving to LA with him so that they could run into anyone from Kris's past, let alone Adam. The accident had wiped Kris's memory, and sometimes, Danny thought that might have been for the better. He knew Kris had been in love with Adam, after all - and where that had left Kris, in the end. Kris was a good guy; he didn't need those kind of memories.

'Then again, maybe if he'd remember what a jerk Adam's been to him, that wouldn't be such a bad thing.' Danny had told Kris they'd been dating before his accident. He'd told Kris he and his wife had split up years ago, not days, when Danny had made it clear to her Kris was more important to him than she was. 'I never meant to hurt her; I just didn't know who I was.'

"Hey," Kris said softly, touching his hand with a smile. "Everything all right?"

Danny smiled back. It was impossible not to. He'd never understand how Adam could have ever done anything to hurt Kris. "Just thinking." He glanced at the picture of his wife. He kept it mostly as a reminder, only every now and then, it also seemed to remind him of all the lies he'd told Kris over the years. 'The truth wouldn't make him any happier.'

"Nothing I can help you with, then?" Kris asked, leaning forwards, grinning and then not grinning anymore as he looked out of the window. Danny turned around.

'Well. There's a surprise.' "Oh."


'If this doesn't work out, maybe you can apply to the CIA.'

"Hey you."

'On the other hand, when you're with the CIA, people are probably supposed to not notice you're watching them.' Kris's boyfriend looked pretty pissed off. If he were honest, Adam couldn't blame him.

Adam wasn't really in a mood to be honest. "I want to talk to Kris."

"Kris doesn't want to talk to you."

"You mean you don't want me to talk to Kris." Adam didn't think Kris would really put up with that kind of crap. Not the Kris he'd known, anyway.

"No, I mean Kris doesn't want to talk to you." For some reason, the guy looked sort of uncomfortable. It made it a little bit trickier to dislike him, although the thought that he'd been living with Kris for years still worked like a charm. "Look, why are you even here?"

'That should have been me.' "I just told you."

"You told me what you want, not why."

Adam considered. 'He's probably going to think I'm crazy if I tell him the truth.' "Okay, I know this is going to sound sort of weird, but Kris looks exactly like - I used to date someone who looks exactly like him, and his name was Kris, too."


Danny gaped. He couldn't help it. 'He doesn't know it's Kris.' Clearly, the easiest thing to do would be to tell Adam that he was right. Adam'd had his chance with Kris, after all.

"I uh do you know who I am?" Danny'd had a chance with Kris, too, before the accident. He had blown it, by being too blind, too convinced that he knew what God wanted from him. He'd been given a second chance.

Maybe Adam deserved a second chance, too.

"I'm Danny." Adam gave him a completely blank look. 'I thought Kris was the one with memory loss.' "Danny Gokey? I was in the try-outs for Idol?"

Adam shook his head, frowning. "Sorry, doesn't ring a bell."

'Typical.' Danny was almost beginning to regret his decision. "Then just take my word for it," he snapped. "I had a crush on Kris, but I was married and, well, you weren't. So. The two of you got together, you had an argument, he got into that accident, you dumped him - does that ring a bell?"

"He what?" Adam asked.


'Dumped him? Kris thinks I dumped him?' It would explain the silent treatment, maybe - although Adam'd sooner have expected Kris to yell at him for being an idiot. He'd have deserved it.

"You mean you really didn't know?" Danny looked sceptical.

Adam wanted to hit him. Well, wanted to hit him more than he had before, when he'd just thought Danny had been dating Kris for years. "I thought he'd just - " 'Been kidnapped by aliens, maybe.'

"Run off somewhere?" Danny sneered. "He's not like you."

"Hey!" Adam protested. "It's not as if he ever contacted me or anything. He was just ... gone." 'I could have looked for him harder.'

"The accident made him lose parts of his memory," Danny said shortly and much, much too casually, Adam felt. 'Oh, right. Is that all?'

"You mean he doesn't remember me."


Of all the conversations Kris might have expected to hear when he'd decided to listen in on Danny's confronting his very own stalker, this one was the most unexpected by far. It all seemed unreal - too strange to be true. Sure, Kris missed a part of his memories, but he'd had a lot of time to get used to it.

He didn't need his memories to be happy, or to know that Danny loved him.

'If Adam really was my boyfriend, if I really loved him, I would remember that. Wouldn't I?'

"That's right, he doesn't," Danny told Adam.

"Convenient for you, isn't it?"

Danny tensed. "As I told you: I used to be married. I'm not anymore. I've chosen Kris."

"Kris hasn't chosen you," Adam said.

"I didn't come here to start a fight," Danny said. "I came here because I want what's best for Kris."

"Right. And that would be for me to leave and never come back?" Adam sounded angry. Kris supposed he might be angry, too, in Adam's position, but even so.

Danny sighed. "Actually, I think the two of you should spend some time together."

*

"There's cream in my coffee," Kris said.

"You always take cream in your coffee," Adam said because, well, Kris did. Adam might have dated other people since he'd been dating Kris, but that didn't mean he'd forgotten any of the important stuff.

Kris didn't look annoyed. Adam thought he might have liked it better if Kris had looked annoyed. "I think I know how I take my coffee."

The thing was: yes, Kris was Kris and yes, they were on a date, and yes, he was still the one guy Adam wanted to be dating and going to bed with and waking up with, but at the same time - well.

If Danny hadn't been so easy about this whole thing, Adam would have cheerfully blamed him for the awkwardness, the feeling of needing to get to know Kris all over again.

'People change. Deal with it.' Adam sat down and sipped his own coffee. It was a sunny day. Kris was wearing a ridiculous shirt. "Would you like me to go back and get you a new coffee?"

"Naw." Kris shook his head. Adam managed not to smile.

Kris had always hated to feel like he was being 'difficult'. It had been fun to try and get him to be a little selfish, to try and let Adam spoil him a little bit every now and then.

Of course, getting spoilt by Kris hadn't exactly been a hardship either.


Adam smiled and Kris wondered what he was thinking of.

It was strange, sitting here with Adam. Kris still didn't remember Adam, exactly, even if there were moments when Adam would look at him or do or say something, and Kris would get this tiny shock and think i>'I've seen this before'. It wasn't unpleasant, just weird.

"So," he said, and Adam stopped smiling to look at him. Kris felt his face get a little warm, which was really very silly. "Um. So what do you do for a living?"

"Musician?" Adam said.

Kris wasn't sure why the answer sounded like a bit of a question. "Cool."

"Well, I'm not famous or anything," Adam said, looking faintly embarrassed. "Yet."

Kris chuckled. Adam looked a little hurt. "I'm sure you're good," Kris said quickly.

"As a singer, yes - as a songwriter, not so much."

"Modest, also," Kris said. He'd written music, once upon a time. Danny'd shown him the sheets in the hospital, thinking that it might help jog Kris's memory. It hadn't.

"You were both." Adam's expression had turned serious. "You were great, Kris. Are."

Kris shook his head. "That's not who I am anymore."


Adam didn't know what to think. One moment, it almost felt like the past years had never happened - the next, Kris was looking at him as if he didn't know Adam at all.

'If this were a movie, it would only take a kiss.'

Adam didn't believe Kris would be open to the suggestion of Adam kissing him. If it hadn't been for Danny, Adam wasn't even sure if Kris'd have agreed to go on this date at all.

"No boyfriend, then?" Kris asked, implying that Adam wouldn't be here if there had been.

"A few since - since you." Adam squirmed a little. He hadn't known Kris hadn't broken up with him. He hadn't known anything. "They uh a lot of them rather looked like you." Danny didn't look a thing like Adam. Did that mean anything?

Kris didn't look like he minded. "Good. I mean, if you'd waited for me all these years, that'd be kind of ... "

'Romantic?' "Yeah," Adam said.

"Do you want to go see a movie or something?"

'Will there be hand-holding and making out?' "Why not?" Adam said.

*

Danny didn't ask how the date had been when Kris got home. He wasn't sure which answer he wanted to hear. Supposedly, if he really loved Kris, he'd want whatever would make Kris happiest but - 'it's not that simple'.

Life had been simpler before Adam had shown up.

Then again, life had also been simpler before he'd met Kris. Change happened - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. God made His plans; it was up to Danny to wait and see what would happen.

"Hey, do we still have my songs somewhere?" Kris asked, pretty much out of the blue, over breakfast one day.

"I think so, yes." Danny noted the 'we'. It sounded nice. Safe. Normal.

Kris nodded. "Adam asked me to maybe do a gig with him some time."

"You shouldn't let him make you do anything you're not comfortable with," Danny said quickly.

Kris blinked. "I thought it might be fun."

"Well, if you're sure it's what you want to do. Just tell me when and where and I'll come pick you up after," Danny offered.


Kris had never minded Danny being protective before. Sure, he'd thought Danny worried too much before, but he knew Danny only did it because he cared.

'Adam wouldn't treat me like I might not come home if he wouldn't collect me in person.' It felt like an odd thing to be so sure about, given he'd only 'known' Adam for a few weeks.

"Maybe I'll spend the night at Adam's place." Adam hadn't offered, but Kris was pretty sure he wouldn't mind.

"Oh." Danny didn't look happy.

Kris refused to let it bother him. "Look," he said, "I still like you, but being with Adam - it's hard to put into words." 'I could write a song about it. More than one.'

"You're breaking up with me?" Danny asked in a small voice that made Kris feel like a jerk.

"I don't know," Kris said. 'Liar.' "I'd just like to take a step back." 'Coward.'

"All right, if that's what you want." Danny's expression was relieved.

Kris almost wished he'd said 'yes'. Instead, he let Danny find his sheets of music for him, and then his guitar, and then, after Danny had left, Kris went and dug up a phone number he'd never expected to want to call.


Adam wasn't sure what he'd expected. It had been a long time since Kris had made any music; he was probably a little rusty, possibly a little stage-shy.

One of these days, Adam swore he was going to stop underestimating Kris.

"Have I told you lately that I love you?"

Kris looked up, grinned, played a few chords on his guitar. It took Adam a few seconds to recognize the song. 'Well. I did have to go and throw out that line, didn't I?'

"Actually, I think it's been several years," Kris said. "Also, I've been told it doesn't count after sex."

"It totally does count after sex," Adam said, before he quite realized what Kris meant. "You remember!"

Kris smiled a little sheepishly, as if he'd forgotten to bring home the milk or something, instead of just having remembered several years of his life. "I do."

Adam bit his lip. "Including the fight?" They were both older now - smarter. It wouldn't be like it had been then.

Kris put away his guitar. "No," he said. "I don't remember that at all."

He'd always been a lousy liar. "Oh," Adam said. "Good."

"Yeah," Kris said.


Danny wasn't sure what to expect when the phone started ringing at half past eleven. Some small part of his mind hoped it might be Kris, having changed his mind about that ride home after all.

"Hello?"

It wasn't Kris. Danny thought he might have been less surprised if it had been Kris.

"Oh," he said, and then: "Yes," and then: "I'm sorry to hear that," because that was what you said when someone told you they'd just broken up with their boyfriend.

"And I thought I might ask if you'd like to have coffee somewhere some time," the person on the other side of the line said.

Danny thought about it. It wouldn't be moving on, exactly - but then, Kris hadn't exactly moved on either, and Danny thought he'd seemed happy enough.

"I'd like that," he said. "It's - it's good to hear your voice again, Sophie."


epilogue

"You look really familiar. Have we met?"

Kris looked up, grinned. These days, he spent more of his time making music than tending bar, but for this special occasion, he'd decided to make an exception. In some ways, today was his and Adam's anniversary, after all.

"I don't think so."

"Then I guess I'll have to remind you," Adam said, pulling him closer for a kiss. A rather chaste one, as far as these things and Adam went.

Kris decided he'd take that as the challenge it had probably intended to be.

"You're my very friendly cousin?"

"Funny." Adam did sound amused.

"Well, maybe I need a better reminder," Kris said. "A bit of hard evidence."

"I think I can provide that," Adam said.

Comments

OMG!

[kira-dark-wing.livejournal.com]

YOU WROTE MY PROMPT! *happy dance* I love this, and I love how you used the prompt, and the entire thing*cuddles fic* I'm never, ever letting you go! *twirls*

Re: OMG!

[misura.livejournal.com]

Yay! So happy you liked this - I had lots of fun writing this, even if it felt like the plot sort of got away from me pretty quickly. (Like uh right away, with Kris getting hit on by a total stranger and not having any of it? ^^;)

Thank you for such a fun prompt!

[heyerruh.livejournal.com]

Awww. This was lovely! (And ew Danny. Lol.)

[misura.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Danny - well, the plot/prompt put him in there and then Things Happened? (It is an AU, so ... he's not too bad in here?)

[heyerruh.livejournal.com]

"not too" bad. LOL. <33333 for the fic!

[ally4.livejournal.com]

This felt like something special! I loved the slow moving pace....Kris slowly remembering!

[misura.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I uh will admit there was some temptation for a magical kiss that makes everything all better, but ... I sort of liked the idea of Kris and Adam falling in love all over again.

[sanityisnofun.livejournal.com]

I loved this!

Danny was...Well, I wanted to hit him. A few times. xD

[misura.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

And happy to hear you felt Danny was reasonably in-character. ;)

[rosiewinter.livejournal.com]

Kris put away his guitar. "No," he said. "I don't remember that at all."

He'd always been a lousy liar. "Oh," Adam said. "Good."

OMG HEARTS IN MY EYES.

Super sweet story!

[misura.livejournal.com]

Hee! Happy this satisfied your sweet tooth. ;)