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harlequinkradamTitle: Put A Little Spell On Me
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
misura
Rating: PG
Prompt #: 29
Disclaimer: This never happened in this universe.
Notes: First thing I wrote for this was a little under 2000 words and upon rereading it, I decided I didn't like it very much. This is attempt number two, without anything sexy (unless you're counting Kris and Adam) and with magic mixed in. Kind of um YA Harlequin? Is that a contradiction within terms?
29. Feisty orphan Adam Lambert lives by wit and skill as a London street performer. But when his sharp tongue gets him into serious trouble, he throws himself upon the mercy of nobleman Kris Allen.
Adam closed with Sky Dragon instead of Rainbouw Cloud of Butterflies and even as he was casting the spell he could practically hear Tommy nagging at him already, about they'd agreed he'd be closing with Butterflies because Cassidy had this crazy idea about how seeing magical butterflies would make people buy more flowers - which was such a load of nonsense Adam hadn't even tried to talk him out of it, except that now, of course, he'd be hearing about it for the rest of the week.
The thing was: Butterflies was boring. Butterflies made people go 'ooh!' and 'aah!' at the pretty colors for maybe, like, five seconds and then they'd get bored. And then Tommy'd show up to ask if maybe they'd like to donate a few coins to show their appreciation and maybe they'd give him some copper, just to make him go away. Butterflies kind of sucked, really.
Dragon, on the other hand, was awesome. Adam knew it, the young woman who changed the color of her hair about every two weeks (and who came to see his show at least three times a week) knew it, and Cassidy and Tommy knew it, too.
"I don't think it's supposed to be all, you know, glittery and shit," Tommy said.
Tommy had no sense of style or taste - except, of course, that he was friends with Adam, so Adam figured that meant he wasn't a completely lost cause. "My Dragon is just fine," he said.
Heck, even Adam had been staring - and he'd cast the thing.
"Yeah, but, no." Tommy shook his head, looking all stubborn. At least he hadn't mentioned Cassidy yet - although Adam thought he might have almost prefered that to Tommy implying Adam's Dragon was too glittery. As if glitter was a bad thing. "It's just - " Tommy started saying, probably to launch into some sort of half-baked explanation about how a Dragon was supposed to be cloudy, only then this guy just popped up out of nowhere.
In hindsight, Adam probably should have cast a Thick Mist or maybe even an Angry Bees, grabbed Tommy and made a run for it. The guy was wearing a black cape, black boots, and in one hand he was holding a wand with some kind of black gem set at the end.
He wasn't quite wearing a button saying: 'Hi, I'm a black magician and you should probably believe all those nasty stories you've heard about us kidnapping people to feed them to demons'.
"You," he said to Adam, pointing. "I want to talk to you."
Adam considered saying it was impolite to point at people. Instead, what he said was: "Okay, so my friend can go home, then?", which got Tommy looking at him half-grateful and half-relieved, like he hadn't wanted to make the suggestion himself, and he really liked Adam and all, but, well, hungry demons.
"I have no interest in your little friend," Cape Guy said.
Adam hoped that when he made a shooing gesture at Tommy, Tommy got the whole part where Adam meant to say he should go get help from someone. Or maybe just stick around to step in at a convenient moment, assuming there was going to be one.
"Okay," Adam said, in what he hoped was a casual, 'I am not the least bit worried' kind of voice, "so what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I saw your ahem performance earlier today," Cape Guy said. His voice sounded all weird, like he didn't do a whole lot of singing. Adam tried to remember if that was part of being a black magician, too.
"You liked it? I do birthday parties, too." Not voluntarily and not if he could help it, but when someone offered him more money than he normally made in a week just to spend two hours making funny animals out of thin air, Adam'd been known to cave every once in a while.
Cape Guy held out a purse. Adam wondered if that was a 'yes' to the birthday party gig. For some reason, the stories never quite mentioned black magicians having a social life, too, let alone kids.
On the other hand, all those misguided-apprentices-gone-straight had to come from somewhere - not to mention all those dark-and-tall-and-sinfully-good-looking guys who were supposedly always roaming the streets looking for young women to tempt into unspeakable acts of carnal lust.
Probably, sex led to kids sometimes, and kids led to people getting married. Sort of nice and homely, if Adam thought about it. He'd never quite considered black magicians were people, too, when you got right down to it.
"I want you to steal something for me," Cape Guy said, rudely interrupting Adam's happy fantasies, not to mention completely ruining the goodwill for his colleagues Adam'd been feeling.
"Not interested," Adam said. Then, remembering the hungry demons, he added: "No offense, but it's really not my line of work. I mean, think about it. I'd probably make a complete mess of things."
Cape Guy didn't seem impressed by that. "The thing I want you to steal for me is a book."
"I can read?" Adam offered, reasoning Cape Guy wouldn't like that. After all, the book he wanted Adam to steal probably contained spells.
"Good." So much for that idea. "The book is currently in the possession of one Kris Allen. You will go to his house, get the book and bring it back to me here."
"Lord Kris Allen?" Adam'd heard of Kris Allen. Everyone in London and beyond had heard of Kris Allen. Youngest person to ever be named to the position of Guardian of the Realm - a bit reclusive and more interested in his spells than in the people he was supposed to be protecting, rumor had it.
"Using this key, you will be able to pass through all doors." Cape Guy produced a strange-looking object that looked like the lovechild of a screwdriver and a Swiss army knife. "There is one last ward on the door to the library which is set to keep out all those who are not pure of heart."
Pure of heart? Seriously? "Um," Adam said. "Don't you think that might be sort of a problem, if you want me to go in there and steal something?"
Cape Guy made a dismissive gesture. "Theft does not make a person impure of heart." The Department of Justice would be stunned to hear that, Adam thought. Too bad they never showed up when you actually sort of wanted them to. "Murder, on the other hand ... "
Adam got the hint. Or, well, threat. It wasn't that subtle, after all - even if it made for quite the compelling argument. "Okay," he said. "Fine. Whatever. I'll do it."
He accepted the 'key'. It felt strange in his hand - heavier than it looked, and sort of slimy, even though it looked like it was made of metal.
"You have five hours," Cape Guy said - because of course he couldn't have been reasonable about this, given Adam a chance to maybe go to the cops or something, or take the first train to whichever faraway place he could find. "After that, I will release a demon to hunt you down and suck the marrow from your bones."
"Great," Adam said.
"Nothing personal," Cape Guy said and okay, that was probably his biggest lie yet, because something sucking the marrow from his bones sounded very personal to Adam. Also: painful. Although he was reasonably sure you had to be dead before people could get at your bones so possibly it wouldn't hurt that much. He'd just be, well, dead. "Now, this is what the book I want looks like."
Cape Guy clapped his hands and muttered something. Adam gave him minus ten points for style, minues twenty for showmanship (or lack thereof) and plus five for execution, which was pretty smooth.
Then he read the name of the book.
"Are you kidding me?"
Okay, so Cape Guy was insane, Adam reflected as he walked in the direction of the place where he was probably going to die. No big surprise there, really; it sort of came with the whole black magician thing. Just Adam's bad luck he'd drawn the man's attention somehow.
He picked up some flowers on the way, spent probably way too much time looking over his shoulder to see if maybe Tommy'd show up (he didn't) and reached his destination with four and a half hours to go.
Loudly and confidently proclaiming "Delivery for Lord Allen," got him past the gates (was it really breaking in if you just walked right inside?) and then he sort of floundered around the house for what felt like an hour but was actually more like ten minutes, because the house was huge only there didn't seem to be anybody living in it.
Honestly, if Adam'd ever get a house this big (which, yeah, not likely) he'd make sure it would be, well, full. What was the point of having two dozens of empty rooms? It was a total waste, was what it was. Not to mention it made it a lot harder to find the library.
"Looking for something?" Of course, just when Adam wanted to give up, someone nice and helpful and (as Adam noticed when he turned around) also really cute showed up.
Adam tried to focus on what he was here for - which was, he reminded himself, not to find a new boyfriend. "The library," he said. "To deliver these?" On the other hand, he might be dead this time tomorrow, so he might as well seize the moment now. "I'm Adam."
"Nice to meet you, Adam," Cute Guy said and okay, so he was totally flirting with Adam, in a teasing, 'I know you're trying to hit on me but I'm going to pretend I'm not noticing a thing' kind of way that Adam normally found an enormous turn-off, only this guy sort of made it work. "Which library are you looking for?"
Adam opened his mouth, closed it again. "There's more than one?" he asked - or, well, squeaked but come on, this was just ridiculous.
"Five, I think," Cute Guy said with a smile that was half amusement and half sympathy.
Naming the book was obviously not an option; no way that was going to float without making Cute Guy at least a little bit suspicious - and probably more than a little bit.
"The biggest one?" Adam asked hopefully.
Cute Guy looked thoughtful. Adam decided not to try and guess what he was thinking about. It probably wasn't about showing Adam where the nearest empty bedroom was so Adam could at least have sex one last time before he got killed. "Through there and then take the stairs on your left."
Directions were good, Adam told himself. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Cute Guy said. "I'll see you around, Adam."
Adam didn't think that would be happening, but oh well. "I hope so," he said.
And then he turned around to head for those stairs Cute Guy had mentioned and things went dark.
Next thing Adam knew, he was lying in someone's bed (someone's luxuriously soft bed) which was good in the sense that he wasn't dead or being ripped to pieces by a demon, but bad in the sense that he was pretty sure he hadn't decided to take a nap or something.
"I did tell you I'd be seeing you around."
Cute Guy didn't look quite so cute anymore, Adam decided. "I can explain," he said.
"You mean there's something to explain?" Definitely not cute.
"Okay, so I was planning to steal a book, but it wasn't as if I had a choice!" Adam didn't think that argument was going to get him very far, only it was still true. "What time is it, anyway?"
"My Rhinoceros knocked you out for about two-times-ten hours," Definitely Not Cute And Also Definitely a Mage Guy said. He had to be a pretty good mage, too. Adam'd cast Stampeding Rhinoceros maybe once or twice - it wasn't much of a spell to entertain people with, although it worked pretty well when you wanted to, say, demolish an old house.
"I've been here for twenty hours?" Adam tried to figure out if that was good or bad. "I'm not dead, am I?" He'd have felt something like that, surely? On the other hand, it could be he was dreaming.
"Not that I know," Maybe Still Sort Of Cute Guy said. "I'm Kris, by the way."
Kris. "Oh," Adam said. It took a while to sink in. This was bad.
"If you need my help with something - well, I did take an oath and everything," Kris said.
Had Adam thought this was bad? This was great. Best thing that could have happened.
"Well, see, it started like this - " Adam began.
Adam wasn't quite sure how he ended up living in one of Kris's guestrooms, but after he'd finished his story, Kris had said the house was warded against demons which, okay, made sense, and then Adam thought he himself might have sort of suggested the idea of his staying here - not as a serious, actual suggestion, of course, because come on. Only Kris had thought it was a great idea, and Guardian or not, he was still cute, and Adam didn't really want to get eaten by a hungry demon so ...
On the second day, it occured to him that maybe he should let some other people where he was.
"I thought you were dead," Tommy said, all wide-eyed and clearly happy to discover Adam was, in fact, still alive.
Adam wasn't sure if he wanted to feel touched or a little hurt. "Nope," he said. "Just stuck here for the time being, is all." Tommy looked a little apprehensive. "It's only until Kris finds the guy who wanted me to steal one of his books," Adam added quickly.
"So I guess that means no shows for a while, huh?"
"No," Adam said. Then he realized that this was, in fact, something Tommy might be justified in looking apprehensive about. "Um, I'll figure something out about the rent." He had no idea what, but maybe Kris'd come up with something.
Tommy bit his lip. "He er really lets you call him that?"
"Who?" Adam asked, a little confused.
"You said: 'until Kris finds the guy'," Tommy said.
"So?" Adam didn't see the problem.
"Are you sleeping with him?" Tommy asked. "Because this is just weird."
"I think he's cute," Adam said.
"Kind of short, though," Tommy said. "Also: sort of the most powerful guy in England and all that? You don't think maybe that's a little bit of a reason not to get all nice and cozy with him?"
"Love knows no classes," Adam said serenely, mentally taking Tommy's name off his list of people to ask for tips on how to trick Kris into letting Adam seduce him. Because okay, there'd been some sort of connection that first time, but then Kris'd Rhinocerosed him and now Adam just wasn't sure anymore if Kris was really this oblivious when Adam walked around with his shirt half-open or if it was just an act.
"Also makes you do stupid things."
"Negative thinking," Adam said airily.
"I'm still glad you're alive," Tommy said, like he was making some sort of grand concession.
"Thank you."
When Adam asked Kris about the rent for the place he and Tommy shared, Kris said: "I'll take care of it," which was sort of incredibly vague, except that Adam had the feeling that if he asked, Kris'd tell him details, and then Adam'd probably feel obliged to protest or something. So he didn't ask.
Then Adam asked Kris about the black magician and Kris got this expression on his face that said he was going to try to lie and fail miserably at being even a little bit convincing.
"I've been working on it, but I've been sort of busy?"
The thing was, it could have been a perfectly reasonable, logical argument. Kris was Guardian; he had a lot of things on his mind, and it wasn't as if Adam expected Kris to drop everything else just so that Adam could go back to his old life.
"Could you look at me for a moment?" Adam asked, because some things were just too much.
Kris looked up from his desk like he was maybe expecting Adam to slap him or yell at him at least - like he was bracing himself to get hurt, which sort of made Adam want to hug him.
"The sky is green," Adam said.
Kris rose. Adam took his arm, lightly. "I don't understand?" Kris said. "What kind of green?"
Adam sighed. "What I'm trying to say is: I'm way better at lying than you are."
"Yes?" Kris considered that for a moment. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
"Why aren't you trying to track down this guy who's been threatening my life?" Adam'd considered giving Kris the yelling at he'd apparently been expecting for all of five seconds. Adam didn't like yelling at people though, and he didn't think Kris much liked being yelled at either.
Kris looked unhappy. "Because as far as I'm aware, he doesn't exist," he said. "I mean, what do we really know about him? I've asked Lady Iraheta and Lord Cowell to keep an eye out for him, but, well, they've got the same problem. Nobody's been using any kind of dark magic in London for decades."
"So I can just go home right now?" Adam didn't think he wanted to. On the other hand, if Kris said it was safe, it probably was. Kris couldn't lie to him; Adam knew that.
"If you want to."
"Do you want me to go home?" Adam pressed.
"I want you to do what you want to do," Kris said, and it should have come out all awkward, because Adam'd been wanting to kiss Kris for almost a week now and every time he dropped a hint or tried to maneuver Kris into a position where kissing became an option, Kris had shut him down with that still sort of cute but also increasingly frustrating oblivious act of his.
"Kris," Adam said, because Kris hadn't sounded awkward at all, just sincere.
"You're not a prisoner here, Adam," Kris said, holding up a handful of papers as if they were a shield. "If you want to go, just go."
"Fine," Adam said. And went.
This time, Adam closed with Rising Phoenix, which was not really a spell he usually cast for people to look at - especially not people who might be carrying highly inflammable objects such as newspapers, but he'd been feeling this sort of itch all day, like everything was just wrong and he wanted to lash out at someone, anyone, only nobody seemed willing to give him an excuse.
Besides, it wasn't as if Phoenix wasn't pretty or impressive. Just not entirely safe if you got too close.
"Play with fire and you will get burnt," Tommy said, like that should mean something to Adam.
"That's pretty philosophical for a street artist," someone said from behind them, and Adam came this close to slinging a Buzzing Hornets at the young woman who was sort of one of his biggest fans and whose hair was red this week. It looked good on her, Adam thought. If he'd have been straight, he could have tried to pick her up to get over this stupid crush he still seemed to have on Kris.
"He's not a street artist, he just collects the money," Adam said and okay, so that was pretty bitchy.
"Adam's just been dumped by his boyfriend," Tommy said, which was way too nice of him and also made Adam feel even worse about what he'd said. "Makes him sort of cranky."
"Sort of?" She sounded amused, and then she stuck out her hand. "I'm Allison."
"Tommy Joe Ratliff," Tommy said, glancing sideways at Adam, who was very much not in the mood to be some sort of third wheel on Tommy's date with some pretty young woman.
On the other hand, maybe she just wanted to talk. "Adam Lambert," he said. Her handshake was firm.
"So," she said, "you got dumped. Want to talk about it over tea?"
"Not really," Adam said. "And I didn't get dumped."
"Cranky and in denial," Tommy said. "You see how it is. Tea sounds great."
Adam wasn't entirely sure how it happened, but Tommy and Allison were whispering together for a while - probably talking about him, Adam thought - and then Tommy remembered that on second thought, he had somewhere else he really needed to be and just like that, he was gone and Adam was facing Allison alone over a cup of tea.
"So," she said, "what did Kris do?"
The logical thing would have been to assume Tommy'd told her that name.
Adam hadn't felt particularly logical for quite a while now, though. "Who are you and how do you know Kris?"
"I told you my name is Allison." She didn't so much smile as grin.
Adam groaned. There weren't that many Allisons who could assume people'd know them. "Allison Iraheta." One of the people Kris had asked to look for Adam's black magician and would-be killer-by-way-of-demon. Ironic.
"What did Kris do?" she repeated.
"All right, so I know this is going to sound a little silly, but the short answer is, well, nothing." Adam shrugged. "I asked if he wanted me to leave, he said I could do whatever I wanted to do."
"So then you said you wanted to stay with him forever and he did his Deer Caught In Hunter's Sight thing which makes him look all helpless and cuddly, and then what?"
Adam blinked. "Actually, I just left."
"Oh," Allison said. She sounded like she was disappointed in him.
"It seemed a good idea at the time?" Adam offered weakly.
"He's in love with you, you know. So I'd have to say that was a pretty shitty thing to do to him. Mind," she said, "it's not that I don't understand where you're coming from, but Kris is one of those people who decides they like someone in, like, five seconds and then gets all stuck on the idea of being friends."
"I want to be his friend, too?" Adam tried.
"You want to be his boyfriend," Allison said. "Do correct me if I'm wrong."
Adam said nothing.
"Maybe you should go see him." Allison said. "Get it right this time."
"Thanks for the tea," Adam said and then, because he was almost but not yet completely sure: "No threats this time?"
"A change in tactics." Allison gave him another grin. "Good guess."
Nobody asked him what he was doing here at the gate this time, which meant either Allison had interfered (again, Adam was fairly sure) or Kris had forgotten to pass on the information that Adam didn't live with him anymore.
Kris wasn't in the library, which meant he was in his workroom, doing the kind of paperwork Adam'd never thought you'd have to deal with if you were the highest ranking mage in the country - which just went to show he didn't know everything, maybe.
"Adam!" Kris didn't jump up and hug Adam, except that he did sort of look like he wanted to.
"Next time I ask if you want me to leave, just say no," Adam said.
Kris blushed. "I simply didn't want you to feel like you had no other choice."
"I do have no other other choice," Adam said. "Not if I ever want to get even close to seducing you - which I totally want to, by the way, so, you know, if you do want me to leave, now's the time to kick me out. Because if you don't, I'm staying."
"Please do," Kris said, cheeks still an adorable shade of pink.
Adam mock-gasped. "You want me to leave?"
"I want you to stay," Kris said, voice more firm now. "I like you."
"You need me, too," Adam said. "Who else is going to teach you how to be a better liar?"
"I'm not sure if that's really a skill I should aspire to acquire," Kris said.
"I am," Adam said.
[epilogue]
"So there's one thing I'm still wondering," Adam said.
"Ask away," Allison replied cheerfully.
"'Grandma Allen's Cook Book For All Seasons'?"
Allison chuckled. "Well, I couldn't let you steal an actual magical book, could I?"
"My family's cooking is completely magical," Kris said. "Just ask my mom."
"He's taking you to meet his parents?" Allison looked impressed.
It made Adam feel sort of smug. "He sure is."
"Mom said she wanted to meet him," Kris said, completely ruining this whole 'look how well I'm managing him' thing Adam'd had going on. "So I cleared my agenda for the weekend."
"They'll either love you or hate you," Allison told Adam. "Good luck."
"They'll love you," Kris said.
"Because you do, too?" It was still entirely too easy to make Kris blush. Adam had worried about teasing him out of it - like maybe if he kept trying to make Kris blush, Kris'd get over it, but so far, it hadn't happened and Adam sort of hoped it wasn't ever going to, either.
"Only as much as you love me," Kris said, which was really a very clever thing to say, Adam thought.
Author:
misuraRating: PG
Prompt #: 29
Disclaimer: This never happened in this universe.
Notes: First thing I wrote for this was a little under 2000 words and upon rereading it, I decided I didn't like it very much. This is attempt number two, without anything sexy (unless you're counting Kris and Adam) and with magic mixed in. Kind of um YA Harlequin? Is that a contradiction within terms?
29. Feisty orphan Adam Lambert lives by wit and skill as a London street performer. But when his sharp tongue gets him into serious trouble, he throws himself upon the mercy of nobleman Kris Allen.
Adam closed with Sky Dragon instead of Rainbouw Cloud of Butterflies and even as he was casting the spell he could practically hear Tommy nagging at him already, about they'd agreed he'd be closing with Butterflies because Cassidy had this crazy idea about how seeing magical butterflies would make people buy more flowers - which was such a load of nonsense Adam hadn't even tried to talk him out of it, except that now, of course, he'd be hearing about it for the rest of the week.
The thing was: Butterflies was boring. Butterflies made people go 'ooh!' and 'aah!' at the pretty colors for maybe, like, five seconds and then they'd get bored. And then Tommy'd show up to ask if maybe they'd like to donate a few coins to show their appreciation and maybe they'd give him some copper, just to make him go away. Butterflies kind of sucked, really.
Dragon, on the other hand, was awesome. Adam knew it, the young woman who changed the color of her hair about every two weeks (and who came to see his show at least three times a week) knew it, and Cassidy and Tommy knew it, too.
"I don't think it's supposed to be all, you know, glittery and shit," Tommy said.
Tommy had no sense of style or taste - except, of course, that he was friends with Adam, so Adam figured that meant he wasn't a completely lost cause. "My Dragon is just fine," he said.
Heck, even Adam had been staring - and he'd cast the thing.
"Yeah, but, no." Tommy shook his head, looking all stubborn. At least he hadn't mentioned Cassidy yet - although Adam thought he might have almost prefered that to Tommy implying Adam's Dragon was too glittery. As if glitter was a bad thing. "It's just - " Tommy started saying, probably to launch into some sort of half-baked explanation about how a Dragon was supposed to be cloudy, only then this guy just popped up out of nowhere.
In hindsight, Adam probably should have cast a Thick Mist or maybe even an Angry Bees, grabbed Tommy and made a run for it. The guy was wearing a black cape, black boots, and in one hand he was holding a wand with some kind of black gem set at the end.
He wasn't quite wearing a button saying: 'Hi, I'm a black magician and you should probably believe all those nasty stories you've heard about us kidnapping people to feed them to demons'.
"You," he said to Adam, pointing. "I want to talk to you."
Adam considered saying it was impolite to point at people. Instead, what he said was: "Okay, so my friend can go home, then?", which got Tommy looking at him half-grateful and half-relieved, like he hadn't wanted to make the suggestion himself, and he really liked Adam and all, but, well, hungry demons.
"I have no interest in your little friend," Cape Guy said.
Adam hoped that when he made a shooing gesture at Tommy, Tommy got the whole part where Adam meant to say he should go get help from someone. Or maybe just stick around to step in at a convenient moment, assuming there was going to be one.
"Okay," Adam said, in what he hoped was a casual, 'I am not the least bit worried' kind of voice, "so what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I saw your ahem performance earlier today," Cape Guy said. His voice sounded all weird, like he didn't do a whole lot of singing. Adam tried to remember if that was part of being a black magician, too.
"You liked it? I do birthday parties, too." Not voluntarily and not if he could help it, but when someone offered him more money than he normally made in a week just to spend two hours making funny animals out of thin air, Adam'd been known to cave every once in a while.
Cape Guy held out a purse. Adam wondered if that was a 'yes' to the birthday party gig. For some reason, the stories never quite mentioned black magicians having a social life, too, let alone kids.
On the other hand, all those misguided-apprentices-gone-straight had to come from somewhere - not to mention all those dark-and-tall-and-sinfully-good-looking guys who were supposedly always roaming the streets looking for young women to tempt into unspeakable acts of carnal lust.
Probably, sex led to kids sometimes, and kids led to people getting married. Sort of nice and homely, if Adam thought about it. He'd never quite considered black magicians were people, too, when you got right down to it.
"I want you to steal something for me," Cape Guy said, rudely interrupting Adam's happy fantasies, not to mention completely ruining the goodwill for his colleagues Adam'd been feeling.
"Not interested," Adam said. Then, remembering the hungry demons, he added: "No offense, but it's really not my line of work. I mean, think about it. I'd probably make a complete mess of things."
Cape Guy didn't seem impressed by that. "The thing I want you to steal for me is a book."
"I can read?" Adam offered, reasoning Cape Guy wouldn't like that. After all, the book he wanted Adam to steal probably contained spells.
"Good." So much for that idea. "The book is currently in the possession of one Kris Allen. You will go to his house, get the book and bring it back to me here."
"Lord Kris Allen?" Adam'd heard of Kris Allen. Everyone in London and beyond had heard of Kris Allen. Youngest person to ever be named to the position of Guardian of the Realm - a bit reclusive and more interested in his spells than in the people he was supposed to be protecting, rumor had it.
"Using this key, you will be able to pass through all doors." Cape Guy produced a strange-looking object that looked like the lovechild of a screwdriver and a Swiss army knife. "There is one last ward on the door to the library which is set to keep out all those who are not pure of heart."
Pure of heart? Seriously? "Um," Adam said. "Don't you think that might be sort of a problem, if you want me to go in there and steal something?"
Cape Guy made a dismissive gesture. "Theft does not make a person impure of heart." The Department of Justice would be stunned to hear that, Adam thought. Too bad they never showed up when you actually sort of wanted them to. "Murder, on the other hand ... "
Adam got the hint. Or, well, threat. It wasn't that subtle, after all - even if it made for quite the compelling argument. "Okay," he said. "Fine. Whatever. I'll do it."
He accepted the 'key'. It felt strange in his hand - heavier than it looked, and sort of slimy, even though it looked like it was made of metal.
"You have five hours," Cape Guy said - because of course he couldn't have been reasonable about this, given Adam a chance to maybe go to the cops or something, or take the first train to whichever faraway place he could find. "After that, I will release a demon to hunt you down and suck the marrow from your bones."
"Great," Adam said.
"Nothing personal," Cape Guy said and okay, that was probably his biggest lie yet, because something sucking the marrow from his bones sounded very personal to Adam. Also: painful. Although he was reasonably sure you had to be dead before people could get at your bones so possibly it wouldn't hurt that much. He'd just be, well, dead. "Now, this is what the book I want looks like."
Cape Guy clapped his hands and muttered something. Adam gave him minus ten points for style, minues twenty for showmanship (or lack thereof) and plus five for execution, which was pretty smooth.
Then he read the name of the book.
"Are you kidding me?"
Okay, so Cape Guy was insane, Adam reflected as he walked in the direction of the place where he was probably going to die. No big surprise there, really; it sort of came with the whole black magician thing. Just Adam's bad luck he'd drawn the man's attention somehow.
He picked up some flowers on the way, spent probably way too much time looking over his shoulder to see if maybe Tommy'd show up (he didn't) and reached his destination with four and a half hours to go.
Loudly and confidently proclaiming "Delivery for Lord Allen," got him past the gates (was it really breaking in if you just walked right inside?) and then he sort of floundered around the house for what felt like an hour but was actually more like ten minutes, because the house was huge only there didn't seem to be anybody living in it.
Honestly, if Adam'd ever get a house this big (which, yeah, not likely) he'd make sure it would be, well, full. What was the point of having two dozens of empty rooms? It was a total waste, was what it was. Not to mention it made it a lot harder to find the library.
"Looking for something?" Of course, just when Adam wanted to give up, someone nice and helpful and (as Adam noticed when he turned around) also really cute showed up.
Adam tried to focus on what he was here for - which was, he reminded himself, not to find a new boyfriend. "The library," he said. "To deliver these?" On the other hand, he might be dead this time tomorrow, so he might as well seize the moment now. "I'm Adam."
"Nice to meet you, Adam," Cute Guy said and okay, so he was totally flirting with Adam, in a teasing, 'I know you're trying to hit on me but I'm going to pretend I'm not noticing a thing' kind of way that Adam normally found an enormous turn-off, only this guy sort of made it work. "Which library are you looking for?"
Adam opened his mouth, closed it again. "There's more than one?" he asked - or, well, squeaked but come on, this was just ridiculous.
"Five, I think," Cute Guy said with a smile that was half amusement and half sympathy.
Naming the book was obviously not an option; no way that was going to float without making Cute Guy at least a little bit suspicious - and probably more than a little bit.
"The biggest one?" Adam asked hopefully.
Cute Guy looked thoughtful. Adam decided not to try and guess what he was thinking about. It probably wasn't about showing Adam where the nearest empty bedroom was so Adam could at least have sex one last time before he got killed. "Through there and then take the stairs on your left."
Directions were good, Adam told himself. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Cute Guy said. "I'll see you around, Adam."
Adam didn't think that would be happening, but oh well. "I hope so," he said.
And then he turned around to head for those stairs Cute Guy had mentioned and things went dark.
Next thing Adam knew, he was lying in someone's bed (someone's luxuriously soft bed) which was good in the sense that he wasn't dead or being ripped to pieces by a demon, but bad in the sense that he was pretty sure he hadn't decided to take a nap or something.
"I did tell you I'd be seeing you around."
Cute Guy didn't look quite so cute anymore, Adam decided. "I can explain," he said.
"You mean there's something to explain?" Definitely not cute.
"Okay, so I was planning to steal a book, but it wasn't as if I had a choice!" Adam didn't think that argument was going to get him very far, only it was still true. "What time is it, anyway?"
"My Rhinoceros knocked you out for about two-times-ten hours," Definitely Not Cute And Also Definitely a Mage Guy said. He had to be a pretty good mage, too. Adam'd cast Stampeding Rhinoceros maybe once or twice - it wasn't much of a spell to entertain people with, although it worked pretty well when you wanted to, say, demolish an old house.
"I've been here for twenty hours?" Adam tried to figure out if that was good or bad. "I'm not dead, am I?" He'd have felt something like that, surely? On the other hand, it could be he was dreaming.
"Not that I know," Maybe Still Sort Of Cute Guy said. "I'm Kris, by the way."
Kris. "Oh," Adam said. It took a while to sink in. This was bad.
"If you need my help with something - well, I did take an oath and everything," Kris said.
Had Adam thought this was bad? This was great. Best thing that could have happened.
"Well, see, it started like this - " Adam began.
Adam wasn't quite sure how he ended up living in one of Kris's guestrooms, but after he'd finished his story, Kris had said the house was warded against demons which, okay, made sense, and then Adam thought he himself might have sort of suggested the idea of his staying here - not as a serious, actual suggestion, of course, because come on. Only Kris had thought it was a great idea, and Guardian or not, he was still cute, and Adam didn't really want to get eaten by a hungry demon so ...
On the second day, it occured to him that maybe he should let some other people where he was.
"I thought you were dead," Tommy said, all wide-eyed and clearly happy to discover Adam was, in fact, still alive.
Adam wasn't sure if he wanted to feel touched or a little hurt. "Nope," he said. "Just stuck here for the time being, is all." Tommy looked a little apprehensive. "It's only until Kris finds the guy who wanted me to steal one of his books," Adam added quickly.
"So I guess that means no shows for a while, huh?"
"No," Adam said. Then he realized that this was, in fact, something Tommy might be justified in looking apprehensive about. "Um, I'll figure something out about the rent." He had no idea what, but maybe Kris'd come up with something.
Tommy bit his lip. "He er really lets you call him that?"
"Who?" Adam asked, a little confused.
"You said: 'until Kris finds the guy'," Tommy said.
"So?" Adam didn't see the problem.
"Are you sleeping with him?" Tommy asked. "Because this is just weird."
"I think he's cute," Adam said.
"Kind of short, though," Tommy said. "Also: sort of the most powerful guy in England and all that? You don't think maybe that's a little bit of a reason not to get all nice and cozy with him?"
"Love knows no classes," Adam said serenely, mentally taking Tommy's name off his list of people to ask for tips on how to trick Kris into letting Adam seduce him. Because okay, there'd been some sort of connection that first time, but then Kris'd Rhinocerosed him and now Adam just wasn't sure anymore if Kris was really this oblivious when Adam walked around with his shirt half-open or if it was just an act.
"Also makes you do stupid things."
"Negative thinking," Adam said airily.
"I'm still glad you're alive," Tommy said, like he was making some sort of grand concession.
"Thank you."
When Adam asked Kris about the rent for the place he and Tommy shared, Kris said: "I'll take care of it," which was sort of incredibly vague, except that Adam had the feeling that if he asked, Kris'd tell him details, and then Adam'd probably feel obliged to protest or something. So he didn't ask.
Then Adam asked Kris about the black magician and Kris got this expression on his face that said he was going to try to lie and fail miserably at being even a little bit convincing.
"I've been working on it, but I've been sort of busy?"
The thing was, it could have been a perfectly reasonable, logical argument. Kris was Guardian; he had a lot of things on his mind, and it wasn't as if Adam expected Kris to drop everything else just so that Adam could go back to his old life.
"Could you look at me for a moment?" Adam asked, because some things were just too much.
Kris looked up from his desk like he was maybe expecting Adam to slap him or yell at him at least - like he was bracing himself to get hurt, which sort of made Adam want to hug him.
"The sky is green," Adam said.
Kris rose. Adam took his arm, lightly. "I don't understand?" Kris said. "What kind of green?"
Adam sighed. "What I'm trying to say is: I'm way better at lying than you are."
"Yes?" Kris considered that for a moment. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
"Why aren't you trying to track down this guy who's been threatening my life?" Adam'd considered giving Kris the yelling at he'd apparently been expecting for all of five seconds. Adam didn't like yelling at people though, and he didn't think Kris much liked being yelled at either.
Kris looked unhappy. "Because as far as I'm aware, he doesn't exist," he said. "I mean, what do we really know about him? I've asked Lady Iraheta and Lord Cowell to keep an eye out for him, but, well, they've got the same problem. Nobody's been using any kind of dark magic in London for decades."
"So I can just go home right now?" Adam didn't think he wanted to. On the other hand, if Kris said it was safe, it probably was. Kris couldn't lie to him; Adam knew that.
"If you want to."
"Do you want me to go home?" Adam pressed.
"I want you to do what you want to do," Kris said, and it should have come out all awkward, because Adam'd been wanting to kiss Kris for almost a week now and every time he dropped a hint or tried to maneuver Kris into a position where kissing became an option, Kris had shut him down with that still sort of cute but also increasingly frustrating oblivious act of his.
"Kris," Adam said, because Kris hadn't sounded awkward at all, just sincere.
"You're not a prisoner here, Adam," Kris said, holding up a handful of papers as if they were a shield. "If you want to go, just go."
"Fine," Adam said. And went.
This time, Adam closed with Rising Phoenix, which was not really a spell he usually cast for people to look at - especially not people who might be carrying highly inflammable objects such as newspapers, but he'd been feeling this sort of itch all day, like everything was just wrong and he wanted to lash out at someone, anyone, only nobody seemed willing to give him an excuse.
Besides, it wasn't as if Phoenix wasn't pretty or impressive. Just not entirely safe if you got too close.
"Play with fire and you will get burnt," Tommy said, like that should mean something to Adam.
"That's pretty philosophical for a street artist," someone said from behind them, and Adam came this close to slinging a Buzzing Hornets at the young woman who was sort of one of his biggest fans and whose hair was red this week. It looked good on her, Adam thought. If he'd have been straight, he could have tried to pick her up to get over this stupid crush he still seemed to have on Kris.
"He's not a street artist, he just collects the money," Adam said and okay, so that was pretty bitchy.
"Adam's just been dumped by his boyfriend," Tommy said, which was way too nice of him and also made Adam feel even worse about what he'd said. "Makes him sort of cranky."
"Sort of?" She sounded amused, and then she stuck out her hand. "I'm Allison."
"Tommy Joe Ratliff," Tommy said, glancing sideways at Adam, who was very much not in the mood to be some sort of third wheel on Tommy's date with some pretty young woman.
On the other hand, maybe she just wanted to talk. "Adam Lambert," he said. Her handshake was firm.
"So," she said, "you got dumped. Want to talk about it over tea?"
"Not really," Adam said. "And I didn't get dumped."
"Cranky and in denial," Tommy said. "You see how it is. Tea sounds great."
Adam wasn't entirely sure how it happened, but Tommy and Allison were whispering together for a while - probably talking about him, Adam thought - and then Tommy remembered that on second thought, he had somewhere else he really needed to be and just like that, he was gone and Adam was facing Allison alone over a cup of tea.
"So," she said, "what did Kris do?"
The logical thing would have been to assume Tommy'd told her that name.
Adam hadn't felt particularly logical for quite a while now, though. "Who are you and how do you know Kris?"
"I told you my name is Allison." She didn't so much smile as grin.
Adam groaned. There weren't that many Allisons who could assume people'd know them. "Allison Iraheta." One of the people Kris had asked to look for Adam's black magician and would-be killer-by-way-of-demon. Ironic.
"What did Kris do?" she repeated.
"All right, so I know this is going to sound a little silly, but the short answer is, well, nothing." Adam shrugged. "I asked if he wanted me to leave, he said I could do whatever I wanted to do."
"So then you said you wanted to stay with him forever and he did his Deer Caught In Hunter's Sight thing which makes him look all helpless and cuddly, and then what?"
Adam blinked. "Actually, I just left."
"Oh," Allison said. She sounded like she was disappointed in him.
"It seemed a good idea at the time?" Adam offered weakly.
"He's in love with you, you know. So I'd have to say that was a pretty shitty thing to do to him. Mind," she said, "it's not that I don't understand where you're coming from, but Kris is one of those people who decides they like someone in, like, five seconds and then gets all stuck on the idea of being friends."
"I want to be his friend, too?" Adam tried.
"You want to be his boyfriend," Allison said. "Do correct me if I'm wrong."
Adam said nothing.
"Maybe you should go see him." Allison said. "Get it right this time."
"Thanks for the tea," Adam said and then, because he was almost but not yet completely sure: "No threats this time?"
"A change in tactics." Allison gave him another grin. "Good guess."
Nobody asked him what he was doing here at the gate this time, which meant either Allison had interfered (again, Adam was fairly sure) or Kris had forgotten to pass on the information that Adam didn't live with him anymore.
Kris wasn't in the library, which meant he was in his workroom, doing the kind of paperwork Adam'd never thought you'd have to deal with if you were the highest ranking mage in the country - which just went to show he didn't know everything, maybe.
"Adam!" Kris didn't jump up and hug Adam, except that he did sort of look like he wanted to.
"Next time I ask if you want me to leave, just say no," Adam said.
Kris blushed. "I simply didn't want you to feel like you had no other choice."
"I do have no other other choice," Adam said. "Not if I ever want to get even close to seducing you - which I totally want to, by the way, so, you know, if you do want me to leave, now's the time to kick me out. Because if you don't, I'm staying."
"Please do," Kris said, cheeks still an adorable shade of pink.
Adam mock-gasped. "You want me to leave?"
"I want you to stay," Kris said, voice more firm now. "I like you."
"You need me, too," Adam said. "Who else is going to teach you how to be a better liar?"
"I'm not sure if that's really a skill I should aspire to acquire," Kris said.
"I am," Adam said.
[epilogue]
"So there's one thing I'm still wondering," Adam said.
"Ask away," Allison replied cheerfully.
"'Grandma Allen's Cook Book For All Seasons'?"
Allison chuckled. "Well, I couldn't let you steal an actual magical book, could I?"
"My family's cooking is completely magical," Kris said. "Just ask my mom."
"He's taking you to meet his parents?" Allison looked impressed.
It made Adam feel sort of smug. "He sure is."
"Mom said she wanted to meet him," Kris said, completely ruining this whole 'look how well I'm managing him' thing Adam'd had going on. "So I cleared my agenda for the weekend."
"They'll either love you or hate you," Allison told Adam. "Good luck."
"They'll love you," Kris said.
"Because you do, too?" It was still entirely too easy to make Kris blush. Adam had worried about teasing him out of it - like maybe if he kept trying to make Kris blush, Kris'd get over it, but so far, it hadn't happened and Adam sort of hoped it wasn't ever going to, either.
"Only as much as you love me," Kris said, which was really a very clever thing to say, Adam thought.
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